Haunted...

I am and will forever be haunted by children. I cannot get through a single day with them without reflecting on how things went...

did I say the right thing?
 was I too easy on them?
too hard on them?
is he/she ok?
what should I have done differently?
I can't believe he/she/I said that!
wow, that was fun!
wow that sucked!
wow I get paid how much for this?

Today was my coworker's birthday and she brought in a pinata. I knew it was going to be crazy because honestly- giving them permission to hit something with a stick and then giving them candy? Recipe for craziness. Things were just too dang wild to begin with. I had one child who was particularly ridiculous...I kept giving him warnings but it really didn't help...and so I told him he couldn't participate and he was so mad...even though he said he didn't deserve to be a part of the festivities when I asked him about it. He left, still very angry with me, and I couldn't stop thinking about whether or not I was fair.

I think I deserve some of the blame. I need to joke around less and expect more. Tolerate less, be more serious. It's hard to transition from friend to teacher. In the beginning, I swore that I would come in tough and not put up with crap. Easier said than done- especially once you get to know the kids. Bah. I'm not perfect. I'll learn as I go.

Another thing...the child in my group that wasn't acting himself or smiling...well, I feel like he's doing better. I don't think my boss did anything about it (she kind of sucks at this job) but I've been joking with him a lot and he's been smiling more and just generally behaves better. He's still pretty aggressive at times (sproutball) but hopefully things are getting better.

Quote of the day:

"Jose and I should get to hit the pinata first because we're Mexican!"